Missed The Grammys? Repost or reblog this for a fun play-by-play and a past music industry executive’s take on “music’s biggest night!” I spent 1994 through 2006 working at various labels, distribution companies and management agencies including BMG, V2, KOCH, RCA and worked with a number of artists from Moby to The White Stripes to Christina Aguilera. Instead of Twittering I figured I would “Tumble” the Grammys coverage as I watch it. Here’s my take live as it’s happening!
It’s 7:30pm and I’m watching the Red Carpet coverage on E! Right now Rihanna is talking about her short hair. Now the host (who’s wearing the ugliest green dress in the world, asks her about “Umbrella.” Rihanna mentions it’s her favorite song, ever! Now the host is asking her about her haircut, again! Now she asks about her nails (I guess that’s an African-American thing? How stereotyped!). Her dress is from Zac Posen and looks like a prom dress gone bad from 1989.
The female host throws over to some black dude in dreads. He’s speaking to this new band Paramore. I wouldn’t know who the heck they are if it weren’t for the fact they are playing their “hit” song in the background. They’re talking about how they formed in high school in Nashville. The host asks if they like Feist since they’re up against her in the New Artist Category. “No way dude!” is the lead-singer’s reply (her name is Haley). I then notice that the camera is not showing Haley, the lead singer who has red-dyed hair, below-the-waist. I can see why, you can see her underwear through her dress! She drops a lot of the word “dude” throughout the interview and sounds bored. I wonder if they will have a career come this time next year.
Now they’re showing Alicia Coppola on the red carpet. Five words: “Who the fuck is that?”
Commercial break: new movie with Christina Ricci called “Penelope.” She’s got a pig nose! Hahahaha! Now a commercial for Visa Check Card. Everyone’s running furiously to get into a movie. Not too unlike the real deal if you live in New York City where you literally have to show up one hour before a movie starts to grab food and a seat. I know the ad agency that did this and one of the women on the account. No doubt she got influenced to do this from living in the Big Apple.
Back live on the Red Carpet! Herbie Hancock!!!! The dude is the man! He’s up for album of the year. First time in 40 years that a jazz album is up for Best Album of the Year. The dude is the man! Of course, E! puts him in a little box to cut away and show Natasha Bedingfield posing on the Red Carpet in a purple dress that makes her look like Grimace the McDonald’s character.
Nelly Furtado comes up next. She looks hot! The Canadians got it going on this year. Then again, Canadians now how to break artists. They rally around each other and they have rules that require their radio and TV stations to program 30% of Canadian-made content. Too bad the FCC doesn’t require American stations to do the same of independent artists. Before I get off on a tangent and someone yells, “free market,” I wouldn’t have a problem if it truly was a free market system in the music biz. But it’s not, all these big labels pay-off radio and MTV and now are trying to covet the web. Hopefully more independent artists blow up and blow out these greedy corporate labels. The same ones that created who’s on the carpet now, Fergie!
Fergie smells. I know this for a fact. I met her in 1997 when she was in a band Wild Orchid. She has a terrible B.O. problem. I wonder if Josh Duhamel likes that about her. She’s wearing a yellow dress that makes her look like a Twinkie or a banana. HAHAHAHAHA! They are playing that “Big Girls Don’t Cry” in the background. That song is like audio crack. The host (in the ugly green dress) is asking way too many questions about Josh and her upcoming marriage. Not enough about her music or what she plans on doing next. I love this question “what do you do when you chill out, is it as sexy as we think?” What the heck kind of question is that? How are you sexy when you chill out? Maybe if you’re like me and A in our pajamas and unbathed then I guess that’s sexy! She’s probably not going to take his last name. That’s good, because a proper woman shouldn’t have to take a man’s name in modern society (Ed note: My mom didn’t take my Dad’s name and neither did A).
Now Flo-Rida (pronounced Flow-Rider). This guy sucks. He’s a disgrace to hip-hop. Wow, he is representin’ by dropping the date of his new album, March 8th! “Yo, Miami in da house!” Get the fuck out of here, you should change your name to Blow Rider. This guy is the reason hip-hop sucks and is dead. That’s right, dead. Don’t believe me? Go to Urban Outfitters and buy the shirt. They’re selling hundreds a day.
Josh Groban is up next. He’s got a great voice. Seems nervous. Doesn’t seem to do a lot of these big interviews. He sort of has a geeky feel to him. But I like him. He’s not cool which is what makes him cool.
Now some porn star is next to the host in the green dress. This chick is discussing fashion and says how wonderful the dayglo look is. HAHAHAHAHA! Fucking dayglo? That look was in for six months in ‘91 and if it’s rearing its ugly head again it’s going to die a quick death once again. Whoever the porn star chick is, she looks terrible herself wearing a leopard print dress. C’mon? Leopard print? What fucking decade are you livin’ in? This lady is a human blow-up doll.
Bai Ling is on the Red Carpet in a dress that makes her look like a Christmas present wrapped up.
Wilco!!!! These guys are legit. Not really into them, but they are cool and making fun of everything around them. Gotta love music artists who don’t take themselves seriously.
John Fogerty! Whew! He looks good for his age. This is a true artist. Classy and well dressed. Nothing else to say about him. The dude is a legend.
Ne-Yo looks good. He looks like a classic pimp in wool. It’s only 70 degrees in LA but he’s wearing wool. C’mon Ne-Yo!!! Recession quote from blow-up doll in Leopard-print dress: “He’s wearing Banana Republic glasses, just showing people they don’t have to pay a lot to look well!”
Miley Cyrus is wearing dayglo. Makes sense when she is 15. I can’t believe the lady said dayglo is in. What a clueless piece of shit. It’s a shame that she makes more money than I could ever dream about making yet is clueless about both fashion and pop culture.
The pimp is in front of the camera, Jay-Z! He’s wearing Tom Ford. He looks like he doesn’t want to be a part of the festivities. He’s not interested in any of the questions he’s being asked about his shoes. He won’t answer any questions about Beyonce. He wants to keep his private side, private. The dude is an O.G. Fucking real! Love this guy. I wish there was more of him in this industry. He says he’s a fan of Feist!!! Yeah Jay-Z!!!!
Ludicrous steps up. I wish he would leave music and just go 100% into acting. He’s so much better as an actor than a rapper. And when you reach that state in your career it’s time to move on!
Cyndi Lauper looks good. She won best artist in 1984. She has the best quote of all night: “This is rock and roll, we should not be conservative, we should not be safe.” She hopes Amy Winehouse wins.
John Legend. One word: class. Dude is so cool. Can’t wait to see his performance this evening.
Chris Brown looks like a candy kane!
Damn Faith Hill! If I wasn’t married, whoo!
Will i Am is the man! A worked with him years ago at MTV2. He’s so cool. He’s talking politics. Gotta love that.
Let the Grammys begin!!!
Carrie Underwood on a set that looks like Stomp (the off-Broadway play). Once again, I hate to admit, her song is audio crack. I hate country, but this song has a great hook and edge to it. Yee-haw! I might have missed Justin Timberlake. I turned on the show six minutes late. I’m sure he already performed and got out of there as fast as possible. JT doesn’t want to be known as a music artist these days. His role in Alpha Dog proves that.
Prince struts out also looking like a candy kane. What’s up with the candy kane look??? I guess he and Chris Brown got the memo from the Grammy stylists. He announces the nominees for best female R&B performance. It’s Alicia Keys. Out of all of the nominees, she’s the worst. Mary J or Jill Scott could sing at 30% and blow her away. She is thanking God. Hey God, make sure you pay attention up there, ya hear? She thanked Clive aka Clive Davis. Hopefully there are only a few more years that this guy is thanked. He’s a fossil that needs to be retired to a museum. It’s guys like this that destroyed the industry. Why? Because they held onto the old business model for too long. Now they’re literally shriveling up and dying.
Jimmy Jam’s about to give a speech, wait, oh man they break into song, “Jungle Love!” I used to dance to this in high school. For those not familiar with a DC regional sound known as “Go-Go”, this is from that era where this regional sound really took off. I love this performance, the swing of the drum pattern is so funky!
Now Rihanna starts singing “Umbrella” and ruins it. Wait, now she goes full house beat throttle into “Please Don’t Stop the Music.” The best dance song of 2007/2008 by far. Disco call! Whooo-Whooo!
Breakdancers work the stage. Now it’s back into Jungle Love for the big finish. Rihanna can’t dance. She looks as stiff as a board.
Now they’re paying tribute to The Beatles via Cirque de Soleil and the cast of Across The Universe (film musical with 100% Beatles score). Not bad. If anything, the music of The Beatles is timeless and sounds as contemporary now as most contemporary music.
Cyndi Lauper and Miley Cyrus announce Best New Artist. Come on Feist! Aw well, it goes to Amy “Crackhead” Winehouse.
Foo Fighters to perform outside The Staples Center later in the show. Dave Grohl is the shit. Ask A about him. Her claim to fame is producing “24 Hours with The Food Fighers” a couple of years ago on MTV2. We have the Foo Fighters platinum plaque on our wall to prove it.
I love the promo for “Coming Up!” Kanye West and Daft Punk! Fuckin’ assholes who thought electronic music would never do anything. It’s practically saving the industry! For every fat, slovenly rock critic that called for electronica’s demise in 1998, well in 2008 it has sought it’s revenge! “Stronger” wouldn’t even be a song if it weren’t for Daft Punk.
Here come Daft Punk!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! Work it!!!! Love those glasses Kanye is wearing. They glow in the dark. Maybe like dayglo? :) Kanye gets it. He’s taking whatever remnants of hip-hop are left to the future. These crunk clowns have destroyed the art form. My friend Tom Cesa is probably shitting himself as Daft Punk rock those computer screens!!! Now Kanye is singing a ballad to his late mom. It’s very touching. Portrait of an artist as a young black man. Personally touching to me as well since I lost my mom 7 years ago to the day.
John Legend and Fergie are now performing. So far, at least they are emphasizing the live performance angle which is good. Give the people what they want! Fergie is wearing a gown, thank goodness. Wouldn’t have looked good on that stage as a Twinkie. She’s singing a song I’m not familiar with. Once again, showing how damn hard it is to discover new music especially since there are 100 songs better than what she is singing right now.
They are announcing nominees for best soundtrack compilation. Wow, “Love” won. I was hoping the soundtrack to “Once” would win but at least “Dreamgirls” didn’t win. That shit was over exposed last year at the Oscars. Why is Ringo going on stage to accept the award? He didn’t write any of the screenplay for the movie.
Why couldn’t it be Ringo that Mark David Chapman shot?
Now they’re hyping the Amy Winehouse performance. C’mon, how exciting is it going to be watching a crack whore via satellite?
Oh God, now it’s Beyonce. How many years in a row has this woman been on the Grammys? She is truly talentless. Sorry Jay-Z, I think she’s over-produced and her latest album is poop. Oh wait, Beyonce is not performing, she’s just doing a funky musical intro for, aw shit, Tina Turner! Wooo!!!!!!!!! Love this lady! She is amazing! Her voice melts butter. We don’t need another hero! C’mon, I hope she sings it. That was one of her best vocal performances ever. “Proud Mary” with Beyonce. Damn, they had to find a way to fit Beyonce into something this year didn’t they? I bet ratings go down when she’s on. Houston, we have a problem.
I gotta admit, that was awesome! Go Tina!!!
Now they’re paying tribute to Burt Bacharach. “Rain drops keep falling on my head.” Way to go Burt! Oh, biggie, “Song of the Year!” This is a tough one, all of the songs are really good. I betcha Winehouse wins it. Yup!!!! The crackhead wins a second one!!! Gotta make me go to rehab and I said, “I was forced!”
Foo-Fighters, Akon, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys, John Mayer, John Fogerty, Amy Winehouse. I might stop watching this soon.
Television commercial for Facebook friendly version for your iPhone! Wowza!
Foo Fighters are now playing. I’m dancing around in my apartment. Best rock band that is still recording and playing live in this day and age. Dave rules. In The Grammys quest to be interactive the audience voted for a violin player to play on stage with the band. Yawn. Wow, Pat Smear is playing second guitar for the Foos and is now going on his 4th decade in rock. The first band he was ever in was The Germs in ’77. Then of course we know he was added as a second guitarist to Nirvana. Supposedly he is playing in another punk rock band with Shane West (of A Walk To Rember fame) on lead vocals. Now that is something I gotta see!
CBS is running a promo for all of their shows that I don’t watch. What are half of these shows? I only know CSI.
Oh yeah, yee-haw! It’s the country portion of The Grammys! Fuckin’ country. How is it so popular? But of course, because our land is populated by a bunch of Bush-lovin’ rednecks.
I’ve lost all respect for Kanye West. He thinks he deserves everything because he just won Best Rap album. Nas should have won. But that title of his album, “Hip Hop Is Dead” just scared so many industry folk. Hip hop can’t be dead! It can’t die, ‘cause it’s the only part of the industry that is lining our pockets! It’s what all the rich people dance to at the bottle-service clubs! Fucking tools! Kanye ripped off Daft Punk ‘cause he couldn’t even come up with anything original. At least Nas ripped off Iron Butterfuly and admitted that he did so because hip-hop is dead and out of ideas.
To make up for the lack of class in Kanye they follow it perfectly with a performance from Aretha Franklin. She blows it up Gospel style.
Now it’s definitely time to turn off the show. A promo for Josh Groban and Andrea Bocceli? Can you say, let’s keep the soccer moms watching? C’mon, they’re already in bed. They should have thought of this and booked a more contemporary artists to perform at the end.
Yeah! Dexter is premiering on CBS on Sunday next week! Now maybe I’ll watch something on CBS. Ooh, a Celine Dion special! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I thought she was retired? Well, she should do us all a favor and hand in her notice.
Carole King, that skirt is way too short on you! Take it off, oops, I mean, cover yourself up. You got a friend here telling you that! ;)
Feist!!!! YAY! Funny how I told everyone about her in 2004 when I purchased her first album. I’m tired of the industry getting into artists when their first album is actually better than their second. Well, in any case, go Canada!
A called from Tennessee so I missed a portion of the awards. I saw Alicia Keys rockin’ out. Boring!
Foo Fighters won best rock album! Yay! Fuck you Daughtry. You suck! Hehe. I guess it doesn’t pay to be on American Idol after all? J
It’s 10:30 and they are showing Herbie Hancock’s performance. Everyone at home must be going, “I know that song from the United Airlines commercial!” We’re such consumers. I bet United asked them to play this and in turn gave the Grammys a huge amount of money. It’s not that hard to spot integrated marketing like a fart in a car!
This is the most musical part of the show and one I welcome. Two dueling pianos, an orchestra, a conductor! No stupid guy with glasses shouting over top of a looped sample from a French electronic duo.
Who’s the German dude announcing best Rap collaboration? HAHAHAHA! Rihanna won with Jay-Z. Chris Carter does not look happy to be there at all. Jay-Z is cool though, I mean what other label president would ride his bike to Central Park Summerstage to watch The Killers?
10:35pm EST. I don’t know how much more I want to watch of this. Looks great in HD by the way, but if I’m holding out just to watch Winehouse and Josh Groban, I could be doing other things besides this. J
McDonald’s using a song I licensed a few years ago for KOCH. “Everybody clap your hands!” But the kid in the commercial is eating French Fries. They should change the lyrics for this commercial to, “Everybody get real fat!”
Oh, here we go! Winehouse, live from the UK via satellite. It’s only 3:41am. Wow, she doesn’t look too bad. They probably made sure she looked really good. A lot of money on the line to keep her clean. Until she stops selling music and then they’ll kick her to the curb.
She looks very healthy. Most Americans probably don’t realize all of the Northern Soul influence in her songs. It takes someone who’s been to Manchester to understand that phenomenon. Though we all know how this story is going to end up. Let’s stop kidding ourselves. She’s the modern day “Lady Sings the Blues” Billie Holiday. The white horse is going to end up getting her. We’re just watching it like someone who watches a car race. The fiery crash is inevitable.
Record of the Year I think is going to go to Amy Winehouse. Let’s see, yup, it goes to Amy Winehouse. She looks like she is going to die on stage. She just fainted! She just fainted! I don’t think she knows what to do. Wow. What an amazing story this is going to be to help sell some music. Gotta love her for at least trying to get her shit together and perform. And for the following thank yous: “To my mum and Dad!” This is for London! ‘Cause Londontown is burning down!”
Andrea Boccelli and Josh Groban perform. I’m checking my email. Yawn.
John Fogerty rocks it with Jerry Lee Lewis. A nice ode to the old guard. It is the 50th Grammys after all!
It’s 11:19, time to speed this up so I can go to bed! I don’t think there is much more.
11:25 now. That was a boatload of commercials. Will i Am starts rapping different songs from the history of the Grammys. The crowd looks bored. They’re probably ready to get out of there and hit the after-parties!
Mark Ronson won producer of the year. He’s there with his mom who was married to Mick Jones of Foreigner. Mark is the man. I saw him first DJ in 1998 at a Teen People party. He ripped it. Spun off vinyl and mixed everything from rock to hip hop and everything in-between. Kudos to him!
Album of the year Grammy. Foo Fighters, Vince Gill, Herbie Hancock, Kanye West and Amy Winehouse. Holy shit! Herbie Hancock won! The baby boomers win again! Sorry Kanye. Vince Gill is loving the fact he’s with Amy Grant. Baby! Baby!
I never even heard about this record until now. I bet it sells 120,000 copies by next week’s Soundscan. Sorry Kanye. But I don’t feel sorry for you. And if you can’t feel happy for Herbie Hancock who released “Rockit” long before you were even figuring out you were going to be a douchebag hip hop producer/artist, well then I got two words for you, “fuck ya!”
Most people have tuned-out by now. Me included. - G
